Busta nut.
Greetings,
I thought I'd spin yahs all a yarn, since my wife is very unsympathetic about this issue, and I'm hoping some good old brotherly (and sisterly) support with come forth, I need it.
Let me tell you about my nads.
The scene is set, last Friday night I'm out with my workmates on our annual Christmas drinks evening, since they are all mostly Scottish I feel it is my duty as a New Zealander to show them what drinking is all about.
We have our Christmas lunch, accompanied by red and white wine, and cocktails (which were quite yummy) - I have soup, steak (if you can call it that) and Xmas pudding for afters, we all then retire to the bar (about 50 of us) and the consumption of Alcoholic beverages continues.
After a couple of hours, myself and two of the guys I work with decide we are bored, so the pub hopping commences - we get turned down from one pub because the bouncer says I'm too drunk (read: he didn't like my accent and general cheer.. I was standing up straight.. honest!)
The night continues, we have a great time - I convince them to go nightclubbing but then after an hour we all decide we are too old for it, everyone goes home - I go back to the hotel.. job done.
I get the respect I was looking for from my workmates, because I start drinking Whiskey at 3pm, however when someone says "Whiskey at 3pm?" and I say "oh god, 3pm.. really ?? I didn't realise it was that early" - I have one anyway.
Cut to the day after, I have to workI'm sitting at work on a Saturday feeling pretty bad, kinda tired and like I've been punched in the guts, I ignore the feeling although I think it's kind of strange, Sunday comes and the ache has moved from my guts to my TESTICLES! (Right one specifically)
I think "That does not seem right, but I'll give it a day"
Monday morning comes, no change.. go to my GP who says "mmmmm, Testicles you know.. dodgy things.. you need to go to hospital" I say "when" he says "NOW!".
So I'm sitting in a Hospital bed, 40 mins later.. admitted into Hospital, in a room with 5 other men who are all over 65, all have tubes and bags from their groins, and the old bloke in the bed next to me is shouting "heeeeeellllllllppppppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" and the nurses ignore him.
I'm fully clothed (everyone else is in PJ's) and wondering what the hell I'm doing here, after an army of no less than 5 doctors have had a look (including one student who I had to explain the term monogamous to), I've been prodded, poked, ultrasounded, offered Paracetamol and generally been told that "It's nothing to worry about".
So, it gets to 20:30, and I ask "can I go then" and they say "mmmm, we need a doctor to review your ultrasound, but they have all gone home for the night" I say "so you want me to stay in hospital tonight!?!" they say "yes" I say "Can't you get a doctor to look at them, I mean I'm taking up a bed" they say "yes" I say "great" ... 3 hours pass, plus a shift change. I say "I don't mean to hassle you, but no one is telling me anything, I need to go to work in the morning as if I'm not there I don't get paid" they say "yes, the last shift said you might ask about this" I say "Can I go?" they say "we need a doctor to review your tests" I say "wow, I had this conversation 3 hrs ago" they say "yes.. you did" I say "I want to go!!" they say "ok, we will get a doctor.
so at 23:00 a very young doctor shows up, shes cute, she says "I hear your not keen staying the night" I say: "no" she says : "you'll need to sign this form saying your leaving against medical advice, I say "Doctor, will my balls drop off if I leave?" she says "ummmm (scanning the results of my bloods, urine and ultrasound) no, but you need antibiotics, your right ball has a tiny infection which can be caused by the mumps virus" I say: "ok! great ! getting somewhere - so you'll proscribe and let me go?" she says she will try.. she comes back empty handed and tells me I need to get my GP to proscribe them because no one in hospital will.
I say:
"OK!"
and leave.
Moral of the story, no one is as unlucky as me when it comes to their nads.
PPS:
(GP did proscribe this morning, so I'm mending)
So, this festive season - please think of those less fortunate, whos testicles ache (not in a good way) and have been messed about by the NHS.
EOR.
Cheers,
N.
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Originally Posted by soforene
Squat that bug, 
