I'm not sure you need to modify the projector at all.
All you need to do is feed ilda 4/17 to the DB9 before the projector, either with modified cables or smal jumpers, and you can use a single cable, and the laser still won't run if you plug a printer into it.
Using your DB9 stage box, neither will your DB9 estop cables be local, but you're still going to be able to trigger them nonetheless, aren't you...
All I'm saying is you are engineering 2 separate solutions for control and safety that could be integrated into 1 box, and 1 set of common cables (perhaps with some semi-fancy breakout cables on the ends)
Also, you might want to have a look at how the estop is implemented on your projectors. Some put a reasonable 5V signal down it, able to be driven over quite long distances, so you really do not want to be shorting those circuits together. This is why i have mine actuated by relays.
The parts for my one arrive tomorrow so i'll be soldering up a prototype 8 way relay board which i can post pics of if you like. It take 5v off the USB extender PSU, and a loop connected to the stop button, then 8 ways of switching. I think that's the sort of thing you'll want in your DB9 box, however you want to do it in the end. You won't need to worry about dummy plugs or anything then, because it doesn't matter if they stay open on the unused ones