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Laser Archeology: The Coherent Muses
Recent discoveries on the Greek Island of Desenex have shed light on the long-lost missing muses of the laser arts.
Some Background: the original nine muses have inspired artists down the millennia, appearing in ghostly form over the artists’ shoulders, whispering ideas to receptive painters, poets, and playwrights. Here is the gallery of the classic muses:
Muse - Domain
Calliope - Epic poetry
Clio - History
Euterpe - Song
Erato - Lyric poetry
Melpomene - Tragedy
Polyhymnia - Hymns
Terpsichore - Dance
Thalia - Comedy
Urania - Astronomy
To that list we may now add:
Lumente - Epic Lasers
Photonia - Small lasers
Lumente and Photonia were daughters of Zeus’s sister’s maid, Moiré. Abandoned at birth, they were discovered on the banks of the river Galvoe (near the Coheren Sea) by a wandering magic lanternist, and raised to do shadow plays against the walls of caves to entertain prisoners.
Above is one of the recent discoveries, reported by Prof. Jon Bobson of the Saint Wilford institute of Lumentics. An ancient laserista (or hoplight, as they were known) is shown prepping for a pre-orgy projection session. Hanging systems hadn’t been developed yet, so hoplights had to do the tricky business of holding the projector with one hand while adjusting kinematics with the other.
Above is a fresco from the caves at Drier, Ionia, believed to depict Lumente preparing to align an early oil lamp-pumped projection system. Note the crude shutter. Such primitive devices were challenging to maintain, as they required 3ø candle power and circulating retsina.
This is one of the earliest known depictions of a laser pointer, found in the tomb of the unknown Rhoadie, in the town of Bener on Desenex. The beam was apparently in the region of 520nm, and based on some sort of olive oil dye, the technology for which has been lost. This is believed to depict Photonia offering up a pointer on a shield as a sacrifice to Byclops (just before he became Cyclops).
In this tomb painting, found on the island of Yogi-Phideaux by Prof. Patrick Stonefree of the Internal Lapidary Department of Antiquities, Photonia is seen waving around a 1W blue laser wand while a slave cowers in fear. At her feet is a tray with the likeness of DTRa, a mythic supplier of wand supplies. With her right hand she is filling out a variance on a scroll of vellum.
This has been my annual report on the latest in laser archeology.
Tune in next year this time for more updates.
...Mike
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