OK, I'll weigh in with a couple:
A bum walks into a doctors office to be treated for some bum-related affliction. The doctor diagnoses the problem, but before he sends the bum away, he asks him to wait while he shows him something.
The doctor produces two beakers, filling one with water and one with whiskey. he then drops a worm into each one
after ten minutes pass, the worm in the water is swimming around, the worm in the scotch is dead. the doctor looks at the bum and says: "As you can plainly see, the worm in the scotch is no longer living, whereas the worm in the water appears completely unharmed, does this signify anything to you?
the bum replies: "Yeah, you can't get worms from drinkin' scotch!"
the daily newspaper in my town had a pun contest about a month back. Figuring myself a natural at this, I sent in a pun a day for ten days.
after the final day, they posted the results. I hoped to see at least one of mine make it to the final list, but alas, no pun-in-ten-did.
What's the difference between your pregnant girlfriend and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Andy has just graduated from college with a B.A in anthropology. having earned top marks in all his classes, he is chosen to go to darkest africa and study under the tutelidge of a the famous Napoleon Chagnon.
He arrives a few weeks later in the village he will be studying, and meets Dr. Chagnon. the Doctor shows him the ropes, introduces him to the villagers, etc, etc. The whole time he is doing this, there is a constant drumming in the background. Dr. Chagnon continues his tour, talking about how the huts are built, during what times of the year the trees they're made of can be harvested, tribal rituals, etc. Relentless, the drumming continues.
Chagnon continues to explain various aspects of the culture, until young Andy can stand it no longer, and asks him about the drumming in the background. "oh, that?" says Chagnon, "You don't need to worry about that now, just know this: if the drumming ever stops, you must find me at once."
"Okay", says Andy, and Chagnon continues his tour.
Days go by, turning into weeks, then months. Andy becomes accustomed to life in the village, goes on hunts, helps to build huts, and is generally accepted as a member of the village. The Drumming, always a constant in the village, gets to be so routine that Andy finds he rarely even pays it attention. Finally, after about six months, the village has decided to welcome young Andy as a man of the tribe. perparations are made, and the stage is set.
The night before the ceremony is set to take place, Andy awakens with a start. Something is wrong, out of place. It takes him mere seconds to realize what is the matter, and then fear grips him:
The drumming has stopped.
Panic sets in, Dr. Chagnon had never explained what would happen when the drums stopped. Scared for his life, Andy bolts from his hut and runs across the village to the hut of doctor Chagnon. He pounds on the doctor's door until Chagnon answers.
"what is it, Andy?" says Chagnon
"It's the drums, they've stopped!" Andy cries, terrified.
"Oh no, this is Horrible!" Replies Chagnon
"Why, What's going to happen?" asks andy.
"This has only happened once before, and it was a terrible time, we need to leave this Village at once!" Answers Chagnon. "Here, come with me"
"But what is going on?" Demands andy, "In all this time, I thought I knew this tribe, but you've never told me, and now I have to know: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE DAMN DRUMS STOP!?!"
Chagnon turns, looking at him with eyes full of dread and says: "Bass Solo."
Last edited by Mr.Coffee; 12-09-2007 at 12:15.
"TO DO IS TO BE" - Nietzsche
"TO BE IS TO DO" - Kant
"DO BE DO BE DO" - Sinatra
Senior Member
Man, that'd make a fan-damn-tastic poster for the wall...about 12'x 16ft ..the wife might object tho... ( The chick, not teh barbie) unless it's maybe Barbie Benton --oohh buttthay that was 15 years ago... I digress..
Originally Posted by steve-o
(kidding)
....and armed only with his trusty 21 Zorgawatt KTiOPO4...
I wasnt thinking of that - when you get older, the memories stay the same. I dont think I'll look up what she looks like now... mmm... those perky boobs may be sagging a bit...
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