A Joke a day..

[steve-o]

This one about tops my list "I thought they were rocket scientists" Haheha..

[DZ]

You mean THIS ONE!

Thats it! Nice find!

[mliptack]

Thats it! Nice find!

Haha, I am a self proclaimed google master with the little amount of information that you gave to me. I found it in less than about 20 seconds.

[steve-o]

Do you think that guy could get his camera any closer to her rear-end???
Any further and it'd be a colonoscopy..

[mliptack]

HAHAHAHAHA Steve-o thats hilarious!

[steve-o]

Listen now for a laugh..
aww that didnt work
here:
http://www.1057thebrew.com/pages/streaming.html
Dee Snyders House of Hair Christmas music.. Haha..

[stanwax]

School 1960 vs. School 2007

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1960 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up mates.

2007 - Police are called, Armed Response Unit arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault, ASBOs are taken out and both are suspended even though Johnny started it. Diversionary conferences and parent meetings conducted. Video shown on 6 internet sites.


Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1960 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given 6 of the best. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Counselled to death. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Drops out of school. Given free holiday by the Government.


Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him the slipper.

1960 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. Psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mum has an affair with the psychologist. Psychologist gets a promotion.


Scenario: Mark, a college student, brings cigarettes to school .

1960 - Mark shares a smoke with the school principal out on the smoking area.

2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for drug possession. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.


Scenario: Mohammed fails high school English.

1960 - Mohammed retakes his exam, passes and goes to college.

2007 - Mohammed's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and his English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Mohammed is given his qualification anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.


Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers, puts them in a model plane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.

1960 - Ants die.

2007 - MI5 and police are called and Johnny is charged with perpetrating acts of terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.


Scenario: Johnny falls during break and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.

1960 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy. Becomes gay.

I guess ultimately its not a joke but a very sad state of affairs.

Rob

[Jem]

Rob,

Sad, but how very near to the truth is that!

I saw something similar a while ago but along a slightly different vein. If I find it i'll post it.

So, back to the jokes...

Scientists are really excited after they managed to cross a male chicken with an onion. A spokesman said " At last we really have discovered a cock that can make a womans eyes water"

Jem

[soforene]

So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End'

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?"
The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work??" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.
He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?"
I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first"
He went "Baah" and I went "Moo"
He said "You're closest"

So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.
I thought that's Aboriginal.

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires.
I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

So I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The Elephant Man?"
He said, "He's not your type."
I said "How about Batman Forever?"
He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

[Zoof]

Came across this one today and made me laugh