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Thread: A Joke a day..

  1. #31
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Pflugerville, TX, USA
    Posts
    1,977

    Default

    What's the best way to accelerate a Mac?

    9.8 m/s/s

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    northern maine.
    Posts
    329

    Default

    a punk walks into the bar downstairs from his room.
    it's five in the afternoon and he has just gotten out of bed after a long night of moshing.
    he sits down at the bar and this guy,a real flamer,says,"by you a drink?"
    the punk says,"yeah whatever."
    he slams it .
    the flamer leans close and says"another?"
    the punk says"ugh."
    he slams it.
    the flamer leans real close and says,"wanna come to my place for a blow job?"
    the punk smashes him in the face and beats him as he runs out the door.
    the punk sits back down at the bar and the barkeep says,"what the hell did he say to you?"
    the punk says,"i dunno,somthin' bout a job."

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    northern maine.
    Posts
    329

    Default

    why don't gypsies use condoms?




    because they have crystal balls and can see it coming.

  4. #34
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    4,382

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    >> >One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss
    >each
    >> >other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
    >> >
    >> >With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and,
    >> >smiling, he says to her, "Darling, could you give me a blowjob?"
    >> >
    >> >Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
    >> >
    >> >Him: "Oh, come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
    >> >
    >> >Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
    >> >
    >> >Him: "Oh, come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
    >> >
    >> >Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"
    >> >
    >> >Him (horny as hell): "Oh, please, please, I love you so much?!?"
    >> >
    >> >Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
    >> >
    >> >Him: "Oh, yes, you can. Please?"
    >> >
    >> >Her: "No, no. I just can't."
    >> >
    >> >Him: "I beg you ... "
    >> >
    >> >Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister
    >> >shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she
    >says:
    >> >"Mom says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or
    >if
    >> >need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it." But for god sake
    >> >tell him to take his hand off the intercom so we can get back to sleep!"

  5. #35
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    4,382

    Default Purina Diet

    I have 2 Labrador Retrievers & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
    A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

    I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

    Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

    I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

  6. #36
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    Florida
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    4,382

    Default I'm gonna keep this going until I run out :) OK?

    c................................................. ............................
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Calvin.JPG  


  7. #37
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    2,478

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    That intercom and blowjob joke is awesome.

  8. #38
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Sheepsville, Wales, UK
    Posts
    3,406

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    Im gutted!
    £60 on a new game for the PC and it continually crashes after 30 seconds of play.
    I would not recommend Colin McRaes Helicopter flight sim to anyone.

    Rob
    If you need to ask the question 'whats so good about a laser' - you won't understand the answer.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Laserists do it by the nanometre.

    Stanwax Laser is a Corporate Member of Ilda

    Stanwax Laser main distributor of First Contact in UK - like us on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/FirstContactPolymerCleaner
    www.photoniccleaning.co.uk

  9. #39
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    Jan 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
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    Default

    Glad you liked that one Doc

    Rob.. I don't get that one...

  10. #40
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    Sheepsville, Wales, UK
    Posts
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    Steve - I guess I should have mentioned that maybe the Americans may not get this. No offence to you guys but its a particularly sick and topical joke. Its in a similar vein to the myriad jokes that appear instantly some disater death etc occurs.
    Google the name Colin McRae

    Rob
    If you need to ask the question 'whats so good about a laser' - you won't understand the answer.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Laserists do it by the nanometre.

    Stanwax Laser is a Corporate Member of Ilda

    Stanwax Laser main distributor of First Contact in UK - like us on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/FirstContactPolymerCleaner
    www.photoniccleaning.co.uk

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