A Joke a day..

[dnar]

Not sure if I have posted this before or not. So here goes.

[dnar]

[Lazerjock]

Al Koholic - to quote Bart Simpson.

I kid you not, there used to be a doctors surgery nearby, the doctors names? Dr Blades and Dr Butcher.

There is a facial plastic sergon here in Orlando, Fl whos name is Dr. Gross.
Would you go to this guy for a nose job?

[dnar]

I went to a porno cinema the other night. 5 minutes in to the movie a guy to my left looked back at me and said "your a sicko and you disgust me". I replied "well we are all here for the same thing!".

A few minutes later a guy to my right looked my way and yelled "your a disgusting pervert and sick shit!".

That's when I lost my cool and said "some on kids, let's get out of here!".

[ShortyInCanada]

The other day I went to a Cinema.
The sign out front said "Adults $5.00 Children $2.50"
I said "Alright then. Give me two little girls and a boy."

A couple of weeks ago I got thrown out of a movie for bringing my own food.
My arguement was that the concession prices are outrageous, besides, I hadn't had a barbeque in a long time...

[dnar]

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke.

The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde turns around and shouts, "Cant you see I'm winning!"

[Phredy1]

[steve-o]

I watched 2:26 before I had to fucking stop that one. non-lol \_- whatta flake

[dnar]

0:39 and I shot myself.

[ShortyInCanada]

A few more of my favorites :

I live at the end of a one-way dead end street.

In my house I put that fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one to know.
When people come over I tell them, "Go ahead. Touch it. It feels real."

In my kitchen I have a switch that I don't know what it does.
Every day I would walk in a flip it on and off trying to figure it out.
Then I got a letter from a family in China telling me to "Stop it!"

In my house I have big tape crosses across all my mirrors so I don't accidentally walk into one and pass into another dimension.

On the first floor I painted the walls with pictures of all the rooms above so I wouldn't have to go upstairs.

When I get bored I like to put on all my rain clothes and climb into the the bath tub, turn on the shower full blast and pretend like I'm in a submarine that has been hit.