A Joke a day..

[BShanahan14rulz]

Dr. Randy Fox, gynecologist

[ShortyInCanada]

You know, I used to think I was indecisive but now I'm not too sure...

[dnar]

Today I had planned to procrastinate, but I can't be bothered so I will do it tomorrow.

[ShortyInCanada]

Yesterday I went into a General store and they wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

[Phredy1]

I put my contacts in backwards and stayed up all night staring at myself.

[LaNeK779]

who is general failure and why is he reading my disc???




ok, i think ths thread has degenerated into one line stand up commedy... maybe shortyincanada would like to throw in a couple of his somewhat lengthier and more meaningful anecdotes?

[ShortyInCanada]

Challenge accepted.



On a typical rainy dismal night in Ireland a guy leaves the local pub after staying a wee bit longer than he should have, probably due to the weather.

On the way down the road for home and even in his slightly numbed condition he can't help but notice that it is really a miserable time to be walking outside.
Even as the rain is stopping the dampness and chill are enough to quicken ones stride.
At this point he decides to take a short-cut through the cemetery. So in the dark and cold he quickly weaves and wanders between the graves and headstones, head down to ward off the wind.
As it happens he falls into an open grave under a large old tree.
After collecting himself and brushing the mud & a few decaying leaves from himself he decides that he isn't about to be staying in the bottom of an open grave and starts climbing his way out.
Well the rain has softened the dirt and made it slippery so the guy only manages to climb up part way before sliding back into the hole.
Not taking that he starts climbing again this time with more enthusiasm and fervor. He digs his feet in and claws with his hands getting up higher than last time but with a little more rain starting to fall he slides back to the bottom again.
Determined to not spend the night this time he launches full bore. Kicking and digging and clawing and pushing he manages to get most of his head above the top edge but the ground is just too slippery and he slides back to the bottom with a splat.
So covered in mud, dirty and wet in the bottom of a hole he comes to the conclusion that he is going to have to spend the night there. So he moves over to one corner, sheltered a bit more from the wind, and a bit higher than the rest to keep the puddles in the bottom away, A few decaying leaves are visible in the lines of light filtering through the empty tree branches overhead as the puddles settle. He pulls his jacket collar up and his cap down and does the best he can to make himself “comfortable” in his situation.

Now about this time another guy happens to be coming out of the pub and he too starts off down the road for home.
Like the first guy he notices the conditions and decides that a short-cut would be in order.
As it turns out he manages to work through the graves and tombstones the same way and he too falls into that open grave.
This second guy automatically decides that he isn't about to be spending the night in an open grave so he starts climbing his way out.
Unfortunately he only manages to get most of the way out before he slides back down to the bottom.
This guy launches at it a second time with more gusto. He starts kicking in his feet and clawing but with his eyes just over the edge he slips back down to the bottom.
Not one to give up too easily this second guy now gives it all he can. The kicking, pushing, clawing, and pulling get him up to the top but the ground is too slippery and he slides back in to the bottom with a splat.
The first guy has been sitting there watching this guy and as the second guy is standing there looking the other way towards the top the first guy stands up and taps the other guy on the shoulder saying, “You'll never get out.”

He did.

[Xytrell]

http://stories-etc.com/engineers.htm

[jooopy]

Non- Jokes:

Sorry Steve-O I had to.

So there's this guy with 101 bricks and he wants to build a wall.When he gets done he has 1 brick left over. So what does he do with it?

A: He throws it up in the air.

[jooopy]

Non- joke

2 penguins are taking a bath together and one says to the other "Pass me the soap" and the other one replies "what do you think I am a door?".