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Thread: A Joke a day..

  1. #921
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    SoCal / San Salvador / NY
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    4,018

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    ..ok, this just needs to be a 'sticky' for use around here..



    ..and this, cuz, well.. should-be pretty self explanatory..



    .. though it does beg the question: If the missus 'caught' you, ie: slathering this with butter / biting, gently / having your way with it, etc.. Would she be entitled to a divorce?
    ....and armed only with his trusty 21 Zorgawatt KTiOPO4...

  2. #922
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    State of Shock USA
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    608

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    The missus caught me warming a cantaloupe in the oven once.

    She didnt seem to mind.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” ― Bernard M. Baruch

    "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
    ― Benjamin Franklin; stairwell plaque in the Statue of Liberty

    "And so shines a good deed in a weary world." - Willy Wonka

    6 Steps To Prevent You From Getting SCAMMED On The Internet CLICK

  3. #923
    Join Date
    May 2007
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    1 hr from everything in SoCal
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    This is always a bad sign when flying.

    If you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room.

  4. #924
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    Nov 2008
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    Cleveland Ohio
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    what did the credit card say to the wallet?

    "Take me to your reader"

  5. #925
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    Nov 2013
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    State of Shock USA
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    Thats dry man, real dry.


    What do prostitutes and airplanes have in common?

    They both have cockpits.



    What do prostitutes and peanut butter have in common?

    They both spread for bread.



    What do prostitutes and bungee jumping have in common?

    They both cost $100, and if the rubber breaks you're screwed.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” ― Bernard M. Baruch

    "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
    ― Benjamin Franklin; stairwell plaque in the Statue of Liberty

    "And so shines a good deed in a weary world." - Willy Wonka

    6 Steps To Prevent You From Getting SCAMMED On The Internet CLICK

  6. #926
    Join Date
    May 2007
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    1 hr from everything in SoCal
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    What's the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer?
    A prostitute will stop screwing you once you're dead.

    Why don't politicians conduct business on the same street where a prostitute is working?
    Professional courtesy.

    What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant prostitute?
    You can unscrew the light bulb.
    If you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room.

  7. #927
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    3,734

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    What do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the sea?

    A good start.
    This space for rent.

  8. #928
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    In light of Justin's latest run-in with the law.... will he have a cellmate that says, "I was just in beiber"?
    If you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room.

  9. #929
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    State of Shock USA
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    608

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    An old classic...

    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” ― Bernard M. Baruch

    "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
    ― Benjamin Franklin; stairwell plaque in the Statue of Liberty

    "And so shines a good deed in a weary world." - Willy Wonka

    6 Steps To Prevent You From Getting SCAMMED On The Internet CLICK

  10. #930
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    2,478

    Default

    A hand in the bird is worth two in the bush. It may help you to pretend I never said that.

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